Boxed In

Box in: to surround (someone or something) and make movement difficult.

Merriam-Webster Dictionary

***

Don’t.

The word is a constant whisper cradling the curve of my ear, poised like a snake ready to strike.

It is a shackle to my fear and a barrier to my future. I long to step forward into the great unknown, but there the word sits in the back of my mind, like a bad memory, like a shadow, like a remnant of the void.

Don’t.

Perhaps this word is the manifestation of my own self doubt. Perhaps it is wisdom; caution made tangible, meant to keep me safe. Perhaps it is only the pessimist in me, the part of me that expects the worst and prepares for it.

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

Regardless, this word is a cage.

I hear it in crowds, when I see opportunities for connection.

Don’t, whispers the memory, the shadow, the void, you will embarrass yourself.

I hear it when I want to escape the confines of my comfort zone.

Don’t, it tells me, you will get hurt.

I hear it in classrooms, where it dissuades me from raising my hand; I hear it in friendships, where it bars me from being vulnerable; I hear it in the face of my fears, where it teaches me to stay afraid; I hear it at home and in buses and on walks with my family, it plagues me and I hear it everywhere.

I am my own cage.

***

This is a personal example of how I perceive the phrase “boxed in.”

As an overthinker, I often reach a point where my fears, worries, and pitfalls consume me until growth is impossible. My mind is prone to being preoccupied by “what ifs” and past experiences gone wrong.

Sometimes, I am my own worst enemy.

I box myself in.

Life, by nature, will lead us to feel boxed in. We can feel trapped by circumstances, relationships, school, or life changes (among other things), becoming paralyzed by a sense of powerlessness.

To be boxed in is to see no way forward.

In my experience, being “boxed in” moreso describes the mental hurdles I must surpass in difficult situations rather than the situations themselves.

Although grueling, I believe that it is possible to move forward in spite of uncertainty, escaping self-imposed confines.

Boxes are temporary.

I aim to outlast and surpass them.

I can be my own enemy.

I can also be my own helper.

If I can box myself in, I can get myself out.